The moon was full and we were south bound on Interstate 85 almost to Lexington when Bobbie spotted three older Lincoln Towncars all painted flat black and approaching rapidly from behind. "This might be our guys," she warned.
"Heads up, eddy current generators on," I spoke on the low power FM transmitter.
"Remember," Donny said, "we're only bullet proof. If they hit us with a landyacht it's going to hurt."
"Keep it wide," I said, "let's lure one in."
"What about the other two?" Donny asked.
"Just make sure they don't catch you," Wooley said.
"We'll hold them back somehow," Steve assured him, "just everyone stay calm."
As the first of the three cars drew closer we allowed it to close in on Donny then John began to slow as Steve blocked the Towncar from the right, Wooley from the left and I closed in from the rear. When Donny was almost completely out of room he accelerated around John and left the Towncar trapped between the four of us. "Now!" I shouted on the radio!
John pressed a button in his cab causing his truck to release its homemade steel I-beam bumper to the road! The beam bounced off the pavement and rammed through the front of the Lincoln while I rammed the rear with my own reinforced steel bumper sending the Towncar spinning and then tumbling end over end through the median!
We could hear the bullets flying past as the passengers in the other two cars emptied magazine after magazine of automatic weapons at our trucks! Suddenly a rocket propelled grenade passed just inches over Bobbie and I and exploded in the rear of Steve's truck! "I'm okay!" Steve shouted as she skidded to the side of the Interstate, "but the truck's a goner!"
"I'm on it!" Bobbie shouted as she dove through the sliding glass window at the back of my cab and landed in the bed where she started tossing PFBs at the closer of the two remaining Towncars forcing its driver to slam on brakes so hard he lost control and rolled the car on its side!
"Score one for Bobbie!" Wooley shouted, "Now block all the lanes so she can get a shot at the other one!
We watched as the final Lincoln drew closer with two men, each armed with rocket launchers standing up through the sun roof. We accelerated to well over 100 miles per hour knowing the faster we went the harder the shot. They fired!
Both grenades were deflected by the eddy current generators just as the first RPG had been deflected into Steve's truck by my truck. But we also knew that as they drew closer the eddy current generators wouldn't be powerful enough to stop the explosions from stopping us if not killing us. Both men disappeared into the car and the car began to close in.
Less than a minute or so later the car was right on my back bumper! "Bobbie, honey," I said, "I think they've figured out you're not on the motorcycle. Are you tied town?"
"I'm tied down," Bobbie replied.
"Good," the very second those two guys pop up you lie down flat and pull the latch. John, you and Wooley get ready to sandwich them if it doesn't work. I hate to tell you to do it but at these speeds it's a suicide mission."
"I don't want people dying for me," Bobbie said.
"Get used to it," Wooley said.
"Yeah," John said, "like it or not it comes with being a great leader."
"That sucks," Bobbie complained.
The two men rose up through the roof of the Towncar, Bobbie pulled the latch and the better part of 100,000 steel ball bearings rolled out of the bead of the truck scattering across the road in front of the Lincoln just as we entered a slight turn to the left causing the driver to lose control, begin spinning then tumble down an embankment before the RPGs in the car began exploding! "Two for two!" John shouted!
"That's our girl!" Wooley said, "always hits her mark!"
"Let's get turned back around and check on Steve," I said.
"I'm already there," Donny said, "Steve's fine, not a scratch on him."
"Bobbie is going to have to buy me a truck," Steve said. "This one's toast."
"Why me?" Bobbie asked, "I didn't blow it up."
"Don't worry," Wooley laughed, "you can put it on your expense account."
"I've got an expense account?" Bobbie laughed. "Really?"
"Well," I said, "not that kind of expense account."
_______
Our latest incident would change everything. Now that we were well outside of our own local police jurisdictions someone other than the same old local yokels would be brought in to investigate. For starters we had the North Carolina Highway Patrol, Davidson County Sheriff's Department and Lexington City Police involved. And because Rocket Propelled Grenades and fully automatic assault weapons were found scattered all over several miles of Interstate 85, the NC SBI, the FBI, BATF (Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms) and several Federal anti-terrorism agencies would be snooping around as well.
Steve's truck was burned to the ground but rather than stick around we decided to make our way back to the shop before the cops got there and started asking questions. We had some concerns about Steve being charged with leaving the scene of an accident but decided getting shot with an RPG is no accident and figured Burnup and Singed Attorneys At Law could easily get those charges dropped. As for the rest of the havoc we'd helped cause we weren't sure.
With all that was going on I decided we should all go take in a local movie and share some cake. After all, cake makes everything better.
By the way, in case you were wondering what a PFB is. It stands for paint filled balloon. They black out windshields like you wouldn't believe, making it impossible to see where you're going. When we got back from the movie the Veggiecycle reminded us of how our latest adventure reminded him of a ride he'd taken once before and began to recite a poem about it.
from here to there and always fast.
We set new records each time we go
then break away, the winds we know.
A flash of chrome, flame from my tips
as on my throttle, Veggie blips..."
How many poems would he recite over the years? Who knows?
Continue to There Are No Accidents.
