Wednesday, February 6, 2013

On The Edge


Steve and Wooley arrived at Piedmont Triad International with Epa and his crew of professional assassins-- the green team, he called them. We would have preferred to land the plane at Burlington-Alamance Regional but knew the FAA would be waiting there to arrest whoever returned on that plane. Epa told us the battle would be long and drawn out and many more trees were likely to be felled but in the end the Duke and his powers would be destroyed. Epa and Veggie caught up on old times while the green team suited up and prepared their weapons.

________

"You know," the motorcycle said, "if it weren't for you I'd probably be a toaster by now."

"You think so?" I smiled.

"Or a microwave," the motorcycle added.

"I don't know," I joshed, "there's a lot of aluminum in you. They might have turned you into beer cans."

"That's just sad," the motorcycle moaned before reciting the latest of his many rhyming verses.

"I bummed around from town to town
passed on from hand to hand,
no one knowing what I was,
no one could understand.
They all thought themselves the very best..."


"So you were a scooter tramp?" I asked.

"It sure felt that way," the Wackemall 750 answered. "No one to care for me, no where to go, just waiting and rusting while my battery goes dead."

"Well," I said,"I don't think you'll ever have to worry about that again."

"Really?" he asked, "You mean it?"

"As long as you don't go falling handlebars over wheels over any more women," I cautioned.

"Not even Bobbie?" the motorcycle asked.

"Not even Bobbie," I warned.

"Okay," the motorcycle said, "no more women. I'll hold out for a nice Vespa or something."

"You just do that," I nodded, "and everything will be okay."

"If I see a Vespa I really, really like will you buy her for me?" the Veggicycle asked.

"There's a possibility we might," I agreed not wanting to disappoint him. Besides, Vespas are cheap on gas and good to have around for short trips around town.

_________

Donny made his way back through the vents to the room where the humans were caged. He looked into the room and as far as he could tell there were only humans there. Slowly, he pushed the vent open with his feet until he finally broke the latches and it fell to the floor. "What's that?" a woman whispered."

"There's a man coming to rescue us," another said.

"A real man?" someone whispered.

"He sure is a real man," Fred Gregory replied. "Donny, how did you get loose?"

"I nailed one of them right between the eyes," Donny said, "How long have you been here?"

"I think just a few days," Fred answered, "but some of these folks have been here for months, they're so weak they can barely move."

"Do you know where they keep the keys?" Donny asked.

"In that drawer," Fred pointed, "second from the top."

Donny quickly unlocked all the cages then with Fred's help got everyone into the duct work. Then before climbing back in himself he moved several pieces of heavy furniture in front of the door and rushed back to the ducts to attempt to find his way to the outside.

When he came upon the room with the clones he stopped and looked inside where he saw one Grey Alien working inside. "What are you going to do?" Fred asked.

"I've got to kill them before they turn them loose," Donny answered.

"How," Fred whispered.

"I don't know," Donny answered, then ran straight towards the vent as fast as he could go, knocking it out and landing on top of the Alien! Donny stomped, kicked and punched the stunned Grey until it collasped on the floor then looked around the room for a weapon. Finding a surgical scalpel on a tray he cut the Grey's throat and watched green blood ooze out on the floor. Then he turned to each of the still clones and slit their throats starting with the clone that looked like him. Each one fell to the floor and bled green.

Again, Donny pushed furniture in front of the door and made his way back into the ducts to lead the others on.

Alarms were sounding before they got to the room that led to the outside. Again, Donny made a running leap through the vent and knocked down an Alien, this time a Tall White. Not wanting to slug it out with the much bigger Tall White he quickly cut its throat, face and chest repeatedly until the loss of blood was too much for it to bear. When it fell to the floor, Fred began helping the others down into the room.

Donny and Fred looked to the window and looked out. "Exactly what I was afraid of," Fred commented as they looked down at the city streets many stories below. "We're trapped on the edge."

"Not yet," Donny said as he walked out on the balcony, climbed over the railing and stood there as if he were planning to jump to his death. "Keep everybody else inside, help is on the way."

On the sidewalk below, someone screamed, "He's going to jump!"

In minutes dozens of Greensboro Police Officers, Firefighters and Emergency Medical Technicians were on the scene and rushing past the security guards below. In no time a all a negotiator from the police department asked, "Wouldn't you rather take the elevator down?"

"Sure," Donny replied, "under one condition."

"Name it," the negotiator asked.

"All the people in the room get to go out with me."

The next morning I handed Donny his copy of the Greensboro News & Record. Just like all the local televisions stations and despite the fact that there had been hundreds of eye witnesses, reporters and camera crews on the scene, not a single word about a suicide attempt, a rescue, prisoners, clones or dead Aliens was made public. But then, this is Greensboro, why would we expect anything else?

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