We made a few changes before we left Charlotte. For starters, we replaced the board of directors, fired all the brainwashed employees and made Veggie Head Stalker the CEO and CFO of the company. Donny called the Charlotte chapter of the ASPCA and arranged to have them pick up the Barridogs and Barricats. And for good measure, Steve made an anonmoyous call to PETA and gave those crazies the home and business addresses of all the Wackemall board members we had just fired. It wouldn't be pretty.
The new board consisted of Donny, Steve, Wooley, my Mom and a few more yet to be named.
I called up an old friend of mine, Lloyd Dickerson, a real estate agent in Greensboro and arranged to put the Wackemall building on the market. Downtown Charlotte property was hot and the building would go a long ways towards paying off the corporate debt. Then we announced the corporate headquarters would be moving to our shop in Burlington and told the rest of the employees to contact the nearest office of the North Carolina Employment Security Commission. Fact is: had we not done it the Feds would have been closing the entire company down soon anyway. Amazingly, upon hearing the news of what we'd done, the value of Wackemall Inc. shares rose from .01 cent per share to .02 cents per share in a single day of trading. It's not every day a stock price sees a 100% gain and our stockholders were in for the long haul.
As you have probably figured out by now, it was Veggie who was buying stock in my name as he feared too much stock in his name would draw too much attention too quickly. It was Veggie who called the Wild Salsa Gang and brought them in on what was going on knowing they wouldn't let me down as we had all pledged our lives for each other many years before. Lynyrd and the rest had grown tired of being outlaws years ago and had converted their business to private security, spending most of their time babysitting scared rich white people. This was the first real action they had seen in years and they were all chomping at the bit for more. Veggie suggested he loan Wackemall Inc. the money to buy out Wild Salsa Security Inc. and start lining them up some more exciting gigs. "You've got a deal, Green Dude!" Lynyrd said as he reached to shake Veggie's hand, "as long as we get to keep our name."
"We'll just add little letters on the bottom that say, a division of Wackemall Inc." Veggie said as he shook Lynyrd's hand.
A decision was made to take Wackemall Inc. back to its beginnings, manufacturing the very product on which Veggie Head Stalker first built the company, the Wackemall Machete, a tool for farmers, butchers and men who work in the bush, a weapon when need be but mostly an all purpose hatchet and blade that can be sharpened to the job the user intends for it to do. All other products would be dropped until we were able to see if we could put the company back on its feet. And yes, we all dreamed of building Wackemall Motorcycles someday but if we couldn't master a simple machete how in the world could we ever expect to build a motorcycle?
Late Saturday night we finally pushed all the reporters out the door, locked up the empty Wackemall building and loaded up for Burlington with the Wild Salsa Gang leading the way. "I sure wish I was riding my motorcycle," Wooley said, "They look like they're having so much fun out there in the wind."
"We all do," I replied.
As soon as we walked into the shop and the Wackemall 750 saw Veggie he began reciting a poem he called Wash Cycle,
"We rode the glades on fattened tires,
ballooned to lift our weight
but couldn't stop for fear we'd sink..."
"I tried to teach it to carry on a conversation," Veggie said, "but all I could ever do is get it to recite embarassing poetry about all the mistakes I made."
"Oh, it talks all the time," Steve said.
"Yeah," Donny added, "Wooley has to unhook the battery at night so we can get some sleep."
"Hello old friend," Veggie said to the Veggicycle.
"Hello Mr Stalker," the motorcycle replied, "Why the stick, are you going to beat me with it?"
"Oh no," Veggie replied, "I need the stick to walk."
"Will you and I be riding together again soon?" the motorcycle asked.
"No, I'm afraid my riding days are over but I'll be spending a lot of time hanging out with you."
"That's nice," the old motorcycle said, "I'm just happy to have you back."
"Me too," Veggie said, "me too."
Continue to Burn Out.
The new board consisted of Donny, Steve, Wooley, my Mom and a few more yet to be named.
I called up an old friend of mine, Lloyd Dickerson, a real estate agent in Greensboro and arranged to put the Wackemall building on the market. Downtown Charlotte property was hot and the building would go a long ways towards paying off the corporate debt. Then we announced the corporate headquarters would be moving to our shop in Burlington and told the rest of the employees to contact the nearest office of the North Carolina Employment Security Commission. Fact is: had we not done it the Feds would have been closing the entire company down soon anyway. Amazingly, upon hearing the news of what we'd done, the value of Wackemall Inc. shares rose from .01 cent per share to .02 cents per share in a single day of trading. It's not every day a stock price sees a 100% gain and our stockholders were in for the long haul.
As you have probably figured out by now, it was Veggie who was buying stock in my name as he feared too much stock in his name would draw too much attention too quickly. It was Veggie who called the Wild Salsa Gang and brought them in on what was going on knowing they wouldn't let me down as we had all pledged our lives for each other many years before. Lynyrd and the rest had grown tired of being outlaws years ago and had converted their business to private security, spending most of their time babysitting scared rich white people. This was the first real action they had seen in years and they were all chomping at the bit for more. Veggie suggested he loan Wackemall Inc. the money to buy out Wild Salsa Security Inc. and start lining them up some more exciting gigs. "You've got a deal, Green Dude!" Lynyrd said as he reached to shake Veggie's hand, "as long as we get to keep our name."
"We'll just add little letters on the bottom that say, a division of Wackemall Inc." Veggie said as he shook Lynyrd's hand.
A decision was made to take Wackemall Inc. back to its beginnings, manufacturing the very product on which Veggie Head Stalker first built the company, the Wackemall Machete, a tool for farmers, butchers and men who work in the bush, a weapon when need be but mostly an all purpose hatchet and blade that can be sharpened to the job the user intends for it to do. All other products would be dropped until we were able to see if we could put the company back on its feet. And yes, we all dreamed of building Wackemall Motorcycles someday but if we couldn't master a simple machete how in the world could we ever expect to build a motorcycle?
Late Saturday night we finally pushed all the reporters out the door, locked up the empty Wackemall building and loaded up for Burlington with the Wild Salsa Gang leading the way. "I sure wish I was riding my motorcycle," Wooley said, "They look like they're having so much fun out there in the wind."
"We all do," I replied.
As soon as we walked into the shop and the Wackemall 750 saw Veggie he began reciting a poem he called Wash Cycle,
ballooned to lift our weight
but couldn't stop for fear we'd sink..."
"I tried to teach it to carry on a conversation," Veggie said, "but all I could ever do is get it to recite embarassing poetry about all the mistakes I made."
"Oh, it talks all the time," Steve said.
"Yeah," Donny added, "Wooley has to unhook the battery at night so we can get some sleep."
"Hello old friend," Veggie said to the Veggicycle.
"Hello Mr Stalker," the motorcycle replied, "Why the stick, are you going to beat me with it?"
"Oh no," Veggie replied, "I need the stick to walk."
"Will you and I be riding together again soon?" the motorcycle asked.
"No, I'm afraid my riding days are over but I'll be spending a lot of time hanging out with you."
"That's nice," the old motorcycle said, "I'm just happy to have you back."
"Me too," Veggie said, "me too."
Continue to Burn Out.
